There’s safety in numbers: When you’re out and about with your girlfriends, ALWAYS leave together! Roofies, GHB and Ketamine are not mixers that you want in your Cosmo.  Sticking with a group of your friends will limit your chances of falling victim to this nasty “date rape” drug.

We Gotta Go Girl

It’s also always good to listen to the “We-Gotta-Go-Girl,” aka The Voice of Reason. Check out this clip from comedian Jeff Heffron:

Women are like the Marines!

Oorah!

Day 10 – Dr. Jen Polk, Your My Only Hope!

Legs, back, neck and head all in pain this morning. Suffice it to say, this will be yet another day that I won’t crack out the DVDs. BTW: I do not recommend hauling ass while wearing spiky heels. The repercussions are not good. Must get into see my chiropractor soon. Dr. Jen Polk will be amused, especially since one of my legs is about 1/2″+ shorter than the other. Due to already being  jacked up when I wear shoes with no support, my high-heel marathon has made my back problem even worse. Due to the fact that Coach and Dolce & Gabbana doesn’t make fashionable “special shoes,” I will just suck it up and suffer through. Fashion before comfort!

Day 11 – It’s What I CRAVE!

Can’t do the Brazil Butt Lift this morning. My excuse: I’m going to be out late tonight, so I don’t want to over do it today. Fantasized that I’d do the workout after the CRAVE book ending party, but that did NOT happen. Side note: If you haven’t heard about the CRAVE book, it is a hip and happening book which highlights the “sassiest, gutsiest, most inspiring people” that urban girls need to know in various cities. The official book title is, “CRAVE: The Urban Girl’s Manifesto – Phoenix.” It’s due to come out in July 2011.

Day 12 – Excuse #12

It’s Friday, so no WAY am I starting this workout now. I mean, I have a full day ahead of me and a happy hour tonight – it makes perfect sense not to workout today. Just like Bruno Mars’ “The Lazy Song,” I will do this tomorrow.

Day 13 – The Green Lantern and Ryan Reynolds Strike!

Got up at 7 a.m. all ready to go! Feed the dog, checked my Facebook page, and then the next thing I knew, it was 12:30 p.m. What happened? Now I can’t work out, because I have important plans. Goodness!

Arthur and I went to the movies and saw the “Green Lantern,” starring Ryan Reynolds. YUM! Upon arriving back home and plopping down on the couch, he asked me if I had even touched the DVDs since they arrived. “Yes, I’ve touched them! I may not have put them in the player, but I’ve definitely touched them,” I retorted.  He then pointed out, “Wouldn’t you have gotten the same results that you have so far, if you hadn’t ordered the butt-lift thing?” That earned him a sharp glance and a smirk. Smart ass…

Stay tuned for continued updates to the “Brazil Butt Lift Blog”…

*This is in no way sponsored by or connected to “Brazil Butt Lift” BeachBody or any of it’s affiliates. Don’t tell them about this, or they might make me actually workout.

Working out is vital, whether you’re single or in a relationship. I think it’s a great way to not only improve your health, but to help improve your self-image. If you’ve made working out part of your Dating Trenches strategy, then you’ll laugh your butt off reading my journey through my workout successes and failures. OORAH!

Brazil Butt Lift – Infomercial Trap

So there I was, sitting on my rear, and my favorite purple couch, on Memorial Day. I had managed to lull myself into a state of mental numbness while surfing through about 200 channels of garbage, when I saw yet ANOTHER infomercial. This one was hilarious: the Brazil Butt Lift. I snickered, “Only suckers fall for this stuff! I wonder how many lazy slackers are lounging around watching this and are actually motivated to order this junk?”

Five to seven business days later, my “Brazil Butt Lift” arrived. YES! I freaking bought it. I’m such a consumer.

But Wait – THERE’S MORE!

“Leandro Carvalho’s Brazil Butt Lift” (which is apparently by BeachBody) comes with three DVDs, a 6-Day “Super Model Slim Down Plan,” a measurement tape and tracker, Triangle Training Workout cards, a food guide, a Booty Makeover Guide, a rubber workout band and a large protein powder sample. Whew! And if that wasn’t enough, there was even more…

It also comes with an unsharpended yellow pencil. Why the pencil? So you can see if you’re derriere needs to be lifted, of course! This highly technical tool is used to measure your butt-sag. It works by wedging the pencil between the bottom curve of your rear and your leg. If it stays in place, then sister, you need the Brazil Butt Lift. I wonder it’s a #2 lead – maybe a softer graphite wouldn’t make you feel so fat.

I laughed when I saw the pencil, especially when I discovered that it says, “Pass the ‘Pencil Test’ with Brazil Butt Lift!” I wasn’t laughing when I tried it and the pencil stayed in place. Now I know why it isn’t sharpened.

Day 1 – 6 – Brazil Butt Lift Haunts Me

I’ve had the system for a few days now. I took the meal planner out of the kit, and I’ve carried it around my purse for about a week. I figure I’ll whip it out while shopping for the healthy meal ingredients at the grocery store. After all, if you plan your meals, you’ll do so much better with your food choices. I’ve had to push the planner out of the way several times while digging for cash to buy a latte, a burger, a burrito, etc.  FYI: These items are not on the “Brazil Butt Lift” food list. The book vexes me so, especially when I have to navigate around it to find change for the vending machine.

Day 7 – Bally Total Fitness vs. Brazil Butt Lift

Arthur and I went to Bally Total Fitness today to work out on shoulders. I decided to save my rear workout for my exotic Brazilian exercise routine. Upon arriving at the gym, I was amazed to discover that they has added on an entire new wing. They actually doubled the size of the facility!  Upon starting my tour of the new-and-improved gym, we ran into Dave. He is a workout powerhouse, and he practically lives at the gym. He was entertained by how I marveled at all the changes they’d made. He remarked that the construction had been going on for quite awhile. Dave then pointed out that it must had been a really, really, really long time since I have been there. Yes, Dave, yes it has.

I take advantage of Arthur’s weightlifting expertise and lift along side him. It pisses me off , however, when he corrects my form while doing shoulder presses. He tries to explain the difference between pressure and joint stress while lifting. I educate him on the fact that there’s weight on the bar and it pretty much feels the same no matter what you call it.  I discipline him with a brief time-out silent treatment, and then we’re back on track. My left shoulder hurts – that is what he must have meant by “joint stress.”  I will not admit to this at the time.

I feel good that I’ve worked out, and that I’ve  made an appearance at the gym. This is a great way to kick-start my new regime. I am fully ready to tackle the Brazil Butt Lift bright and early tomorrow morning.

Day 8 – “The Lazy Song,” Bruno Mars and Oregano’s Pizza

The morning came early, especially since I stayed up til 12 a.m. I got up late, quickly walked the dog, and then I was ready to rock with my butt DVDs. At least I was ready until I turned on my stereo and heard a catchy tune called “The Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars. I blame Mr. Mars for making me waste one more day and continue my sloth. This song is so  unmotivating and makes you want to spend all day watching TV and ordering pizza delivery. An Oregano’s pizza sounds good right now. Damn it! Thanks Bruno, would you like to borrow my unsharpened pencil?

“The Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars

Day 9 – The Brio and Elen Sparks Agency Plot

Awe man… I stayed up until 1:30 a.m. messing around on the internet. Now I’m really tired. There is no way I’m getting up early to do this butt lift thing. I stayed in bed as long as I possibly could. I laid there negotiating with myself, “I’ll eat a protein bar in the car for breakfast, so that will give me 5 extra minutes; I go with the linen jacket, so wrinkles won’t matter – there’s at least 8 minutes more I can sleep; I won’t straighten my hair – wearing it curly will buy me another 5 minutes…” No workout again, and butt still not lifted.

That night I meet up with my friend, Elisa Estes of the Elen Sparks Agency, to enjoy appetizers and cappuccinos. Delicious! Nope, it’s not on the Brazil Butt Lift food plan. We plotted out an upcoming off-the-hook event, and then I ran over the Mac Store to get my iPad covered. Side note: I don’t understand why it must be protected, but everyone was freaking out that I didn’t have this magical super thin coating on it so I felt compelled to do so. Oddly enough, the Mac Store does not offer this service, but they directed me to the kiosk across the street.

Unfortunately for my credit card, the kiosk was located right in the middle of an open-air shopping mall: Kierland Commons. I was drawn to the place like a magnet.

I dropped off my iPad with the kiosk guy, and he told me to be back in 45 minutes for my beautifully covered iPad. That was enough time to walk to the other end of the complex, in high heels mind you, and find an outfit for an upcoming event. Side note: I flashed backed to an old Match.com date I once had in this mall many moons ago. He was one of those guys who used a photo from 10 years ago, and he failed to mention the majorly receding hair line.

I did some speed shopping, found the perfect outfit, and then right as I was about to check out of the store, I realized that I’d gone over my time limit. Panic took over as I realized that kiosk guy would be closing up in 3 minutes. OMG! I freaked out, and just as the sales lady was ringing up my new outfit, I blurted, “Stop, wait, hold these clothes! I’ll be back!,” and then I sprang into action and hauled my non-Brazil Butt two blocks in my heels.

I got to the kiosk just in time, claimed my iPad, which looked pretty much the same as it did when I brought it there, and then I had to turn back around and walk the two blocks back to the retail store. This time the walk seemed even longer. I teetered up to the sales desk, got my items, and then walked back again to the kiosk area where my car was parked. At this point I could really feel the effects of trotting around on my open-toed black slingbacks. Upon my last leg of the journey, I then realized that I had jogged about 8 blocks in  2 1/2″ high heels. Now THAT is a workout! Good thing I didn’t exercise this morning.

It’s 11 p.m. now, so time to shut off the computer and take two Advils for the impending cramps in my calves and back.

I have high hopes for my morning workout. Really high.

Day 10…

Stay tuned for continued updates to the “Brazil Butt Lift Blog”…

*This is in no way sponsored by or connected to “Brazil Butt Lift” BeachBody or any of it’s affiliates. Don’t tell them about this, or they might make me actually workout.

No Bake, Just Fake

My good friend, and soul sister, Karen and I decided to get spray tans a day before our vacation to Hawaii. Since I lack any tanning capabilities, this seemed like a great idea. I didn’t want to blind anyone at the beach, and a fake tan would at least make it look like I had some sort of pigmentation. Karen knew of a brand new place that had just started offering spray-on-tans, and we booked our appointments at 10 a.m. We had planned a full day of packing, spray tanning and then we were to meet up with our double dates for an outdoor Greek festival. Everything was timed out perfectly.

Upon arriving at the tanning place, we were greeted by the owner who gave us a quick tour of the set up. It featured a secluded modular spraying booth which you could only get to by entering through a row of closet-sized rooms. Each small dressing room had a special release-system lock which allowed only one person at a time to enter into the spray booth area. Being paranoid, I was scared that the release system wouldn’t work while I was stark naked, white, and heading into the spray room. I decided to leave on my bikini bottoms, just in case. We were all set to go in our separate booths, and I had the honor of going first.

Assume the Position

If you’ve ever experienced a spray tan booth, you know that there is a little bit of work involved on your part during the application process. By this I mean that you have to move around and pose in specific positions while being misted by a machine that is much like an automatic car-wash. To help with this complex task, there was a clearly displayed chart of all the positions. The instructions were quite specific, and I was concerned that I’d forget a pose and end up with an uneven tan. Ahh, the pressure.

There were four positions that I was to strike: The first was an Egyptian-like pose with praying hands while standing with one foot forward and the other back. It reminded me of the old Charlie’s Angels’ TV logo. Once a blast of spray hit you, then the second pose was to be executed by quickly turning to the side and assuming a position like you were surrendering to the police. For the third stance, you needed to flip around again and with another Angels pose, but instead switch around your feet from the first position. Finally, the fourth stance was a down-turned surrender pose. It’s a lot to remember while you’re blinded by mist from sporadic blasts of liquid flying at you. On top of all that, I was told to hold my breath when it sprayed. Good Lord. The experience was stressful, to say the least.

Kegger Flashback

When my ordeal was finally over, I staggered out of the booth wet, half naked and light headed from trying to hold my breath. It kind of reminded me of a fraternity party. My vision was a bit hazy too, since I got a good dose of tanner in my eyes during pose #3. I found my dressing room, blinked repeatedly to regain my eyesight, and then I looked in the mirror. At first I gasped, and then I tried to sound calm as Karen yelled from her booth, “How does it look?” I gleefully answered, “Wow! I can’t wait to see how you like it!” I heard her door beep open and then it was Karen’s turn to do the spray tan gyrations.

I listened intently as the mechanical spray booth blasted my friend. I could hear her stumbling around while trying to hit poses, and I think there was a little scream after the first shot doused her with tanner. I wondered if she had made the same mistakes I had, such as breathing in a full-on dose of spray mist. A few minutes later I heard the machine stop and then Karen’s door shut. There was a long silence followed by Karen astonished muttering of, “Oh… my… God.”

The Big Reveal!

Within minutes, we both emerged from our dressing rooms, looked at each other and then burst out laughing. We were definitely tan. Well, actually not tan, but very, very, very dark. So dark, that one could describe us as mocha. The inexperienced owner apparently over used the “marker” in the spray, giving us a rich and rather unnatural shade of brown. The good news was that our teeth appeared to be dazzlingly white and our blue eyes glowed like neon signs.

The owner, who was pretending that everything was normal, calmly said, “Remember, you can’t take a shower for at least 8 hours.” What? But we were meeting out dates in less than 5 hours!

Forecast: Rain

Karen look hilarious, and I looked even worse. Between laughing hysterically and trying to catch our breath, we made a pact that neither of us would wash off the spray, especially since we’d paid top dollar for our pre-Hawaii tans. We made a pinkie-swear to seal the deal, and then we phoned our dates to warned them of our debacle. I also told my date not to wear white just in case I was transferable. We also agreed that if the forecast for rain was correct, we would be diving under the nearest tree.

Our dates were amused at our deeply tanned faces and acted like everything was fine. Trust me, people were gawking. Although we looked like freaks, we still managed to have a great time… until it started to sprinkle outside.

What became of our dates? Karen ended up marrying her guy a couple of years later, and my date won’t talk to me to this day. But that’s a different story…

Dating Trenches: The Xtra Naughty Files

Let’s play a culinary quiz game that I like to call: What’s wrong with this first-date dinner order?:

I’ll have blue cheese dressing on my salad, and then the lobster with extra garlic butter and some cheesy broccoli.

There are seven potential pitfalls to this dinner order:

1. Blue cheese dressing will leave your breath stinky.
2. Salad is tough to wrangle and will undoubtedly get stuck in your teeth. This may also cause bloating.
3. Lobster? Really? On a first date? Do not order the most expensive item on the menu unless your date does too.
4. Garlic butter will ratchet up bad breath even further. Oh, and don’t get anything with onions either.
5. Lobster PLUS greasy butter equals a mess on your face and your outfit.
6. Melted cheese on any food item has the risk of stringiness, and the last thing you want is a strip of cheese hanging off your chin.
7. Broccoli can cause bloating too, along with gas and cramping. There mom, THAT is why I don’t like broccoli!

Some other foods to avoid on the first few dates are beans or carrots (gaseous masseous!) and carbonated drinks. Although belching at the table is a complement to the cook in some countries, it doesn’t work well on a date. I also recommend staying away from messy finger foods like pizza, burgers, ribs and chicken wings. Spaghetti can be a tough call too, so opt for the bowtie or rotini (corkscrew shaped) pastas.

Now, this is not to say that you should sit there and just drink water. An example of a good item to order is a chicken dish, which is usually not overly pricey. Fish dishes are iffy and could be a bit smelly, so if it’s a toss up between this and steak, then get the meat!

I also recommend taking a survey of what your date is ordering before making your move. If he’s going for a moderately priced meal on the menu, then you might want to consider sticking around that price point.

However, if you don’t ever want to see him again, then pull out all the stops and go for the surf and turf with a side of cauliflower, and get a to-go dessert!

Bon appetit!

“Into the Soup” with Heidi Lee hosts special guest Kristi DeWitt, AKA the Date Diva!

Check out Heidi Lee’s hilarious radio show Into the Soup, featuring “Cooking for Love.” I’m on about 15 minutes into the show, and I recount my famous “Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum” chicken wing story. Yum! Check out the show which covers what not to eat on a date, look for the clip titled “Into The Soup Radio: April 30, 2011–Cookin for Love” at

http://www.intothesoup.com/category/food-features/week-radio

Has this ever happened to you?

Ring! Ring!

“I know it’s 2 a.m. (fill in random rambling), but why don’t you come on over?”

Ah yes, the classic Booty Call. The late night “lovin’ feeling” phone call which is usually delivered by an intoxicated guy who only seems to remember your number after midnight.  Disclaimer: Women do this too, but for the point of this blog, just stay with me on this one…

So what do you do?

You really like this guy, you’re flattered that he thought of you and then you actually consider meeting up with him. You feel like you connect on a deep level, you have some definite chemistry, he’s a bit flighty but maybe this is “the one,” blah, blah, blah.

WAIT A MINUTE!

Let’s step back and take a look at this:

1. If you don’t have an established relationship with this guy, then he’s only calling you for one thing. If you don’t care about getting used, or you only want him for one thing too, then go for it.
2. Realize that he probably called several other women before you, but you were the only one who picked up the phone.
3. Where did you leave your sense of self-respect?  Did it roll under your bed or maybe it’s in your night stand?

Ring! Ring!

“Hi, it’s your self-esteem calling. Turn off your phone, go back to bed and date a guy who respects you!”

It’s all about valuing yourself and getting rid of late night Booty Boys! Respect yourself, and don’t pick up that phone!

Here is a hilarious clip from Garfunkel & Oates called “Self-Esteem”

– by special guest blogger Dana Shafman of ShieldHer.com, and writer for Examiner.com

There is a serial stalker in my family that habitually stalks at least one of my family members, including me.  This mentally unstable family member, along with many of you, could benefit from a greater understanding of what constitutes stalking in hopes that the stalking behavior would be recognized and possibly halted before it becomes dangerous and criminal.  With that said, a mentally unstable person might not have the wherewithal to stop the harassing behavior and additional actions may need to be taken against the stalker to stop it and for personal protection.

What is Stalking?

The definition of stalking as defined by Wikipedia is as follows:

Stalking is a term commonly used to refer to unwanted, obsessive attention by individuals (and sometimes groups of people) to others.  Stalking can be defined as the willful and repeated following, watching, and/or harassing of another person.  Most of the time, the purpose of stalking is to attempt to force a relationship with someone who is unwilling or otherwise unavailable.

To enhance our definition of stalking, let’s take a glance at how Webster’s New World Law Dictionary defines stalking:

A form of harassment generally comprised of repeated persistent following with no legitimate reason and with the intention of harming, or so as to arouse anxiety or fear of harm in the person being followed.  Stalking may also take the form of harassing telephone calls, emails and computer communications (cyberstalking), letter-writing, etc.

Stalking Stats

Now that we can all define stalking, let’s check out the stalking statistics to put some frightening numbers to the incidence of stalking in the United States:

• About 1 in 12 women and 1 in 45 men are stalked in their lifetimes.
• 3.4 million people over the age of 18 are stalked each year in the United States.
• 3 in 4 stalking victims are stalked by someone they know.
• 30% of stalking victims are stalked by a current or former intimate partner whereas only 10% of stalking victims are stalked by a stranger.
• Persons aged 18-24 years experience the highest rate of stalking.
• 11% of stalking victims have been stalked for 5 years or more.
• 46% of stalking victims experience at least one unwanted contact per week.
• 1 in 4 victims report being stalked through the use of some form of technology (such as e-mail or instant messaging).
• 10% of victims report being monitored with global positioning systems (GPS), and 8% report being monitored through video or digital cameras, or listening devices.

Stalking vs. Not Stalking

Now I realize that when we were kids we stalked the hottest guy in school by driving by his house, or called and hung up on the quarterback of the football team (before caller ID),  or even anonymously called in a song on the radio for the “crush of the week” but it was innocent, right?  So when does the stalking leave the “innocent” lane and travel into the “class 3 felony” lane by law? Fear is generally a good gauge to know when innocent stalking (if there is such a things these days) turns criminal.  When innocent stalking becomes “stalking stalking” like “rape rape” as defined by Whoopi Goldberg on The View, there is positively cause for concern.

It’s fascinating to me that people ask me all the time, “How do you know if you are being stalked”, to which I respond, “trust me…you will know”.  I was blessed with two stalkers in 2004 as a result of dating online and offline, which catapulted me to start Shieldher and to help protect women from violence and fear.  I felt that pit in my stomach with both stalkers.  I have since come to trust my gut as it is predictably right and have taught all my students of self defense to do the same.  The point is that we are all hard-wired to feel when trouble comes calling in the form of stalking and violence; we simply need to learn to trust our gut.  Remarkably, gut instincts are said to be correct more than 90% of the time.

In the event you have that gut feeling that you are being stalked and feel you need further confirmation, here are some typical things stalkers do as identified by NCVC (National Center for Victims of Crime):

• Follow you and show up wherever you are.
• Repeatedly call you, including hang-ups.
• Damage your home, car, or other property.
• Send unwanted gifts, letters, cards, or e-mails.
• Monitor your phone calls or computer use.
• Use technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems, to track where you go.
• Drive by or hang out at your home, school, or work.
• Threaten to hurt you, your family, friends, or pets.
• Find out about you by using public records or on-line search services, hiring investigators, going through your garbage, or contacting friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers.
• Other actions that control, track, or frighten you.

Facebook creator, Mark Zuckerberg, was in the news recently for obtaining a restraining order against a crazed man named Pradeep Manukonda.  Mark Zuckerberg is a fine example of how you can be stalked in multiple ways as he was contacted by Pradeep Manukonda “the stalker” via snail mail (postal service), internet and in person.  The definition of stalking does not confine it to only physical contact and leaves the door wide open for all mediums of stalking because it is unwanted, obsessive attention and/or harassment in any form.  I was just asked the other day if text messaging and emailing counts as stalking and IT DOES.  In fact, there is now even a new form of stalking called cyberstalking, which is the use of the Internet or other electronic means to stalk or harass an individual, a group of individuals, or an organization.  Check out the stalking technology IQ brochure created by NCVC to see if you are helping your stalker to stalk you more successfully.

Now that stalking has been defined multiple times by two separate reference big boys, let’s run through a few examples to test our new knowledge (click here to take a real quiz).

Example One – Stalking or Not Stalking?

Jessica and Bill are dating and they break up.  Bill moves out but forgets his mountain bike in the garage where Jessica still lives.  Jessica is still upset with Bill and refuses to speak with him so she ignores his calls and messages regarding his mountain bike.  He shows up at her door to collect his bike uninvited.  Bill is Stalking or Not Stalking?

Answer is NOT STALKING (Bill is stalking his bike, not Jessica)

Example Two – Stalking or Not Stalking?

Jessica and Bill are dating and they break up.  Bill moves out of their home and months go by without any communication between Jessica and Bill.  Jessica is still missing Bill after many months and decides to call Bill one evening only to hear a woman’s voice on the other end…Jessica’s pissed that he moved on so fast.  She hangs up abruptly but decides to drive over to his forwarding address to get a better look.  She texts him while outside his new house and while peering through his curtains.  He tells her he’s moved on and his happy then asks that she not contact him again.  She drives by his house every day after for a month but never knocks.  She also texts on a daily basis to persuade him to come back but he never answers his phone when she calls or texts.  Jessica is Stalking or Not Stalking?

Answer is STALKING (repeated, persistent following and/or harassment)

Example Three – Stalking or Not Stalking?

Jessica and Bill are brother and sister but have had a rocky relationship over the past thirty plus years.  Bill has finally upset Jessica to the point that asks Bill not to contact her anymore.  Years go by and Bill forgets the reason that Jessica is not speaking to him so he contact her but she doesn’t call back.  He acknowledges the fact that they have a strained relationship and that Jessica is not interested in speaking with him but continues to attempt communication via phone calls and messages, emails and texts.    Jessica never answers any of Bill’s correspondence.  Bill is Stalking or Not Stalking?

Answer is STALKING (unwanted, obsessive attention/communication)

The purpose of the examples are to enable anyone to identify stalking in a narrative way but again, the gut feeling is the best gauge of danger, including stalking.  The secondary purpose is to shed light on the fact that family members like my mentally unstable family stalker and Bill in the last example, are still stalking and should not be excused for harassing or stalking another by other family members because they are family.  Stalking is stalking regardless of who commits the crime!  Obviously I have some personal experience with the excuses surrounding harassing or stalking behavior in my family and challenge other families like mine to not dismiss the stalking of a family member by another family member because it is REAL and scary at times.

Shielding Yourself From a Stalker

So…what do you do if you are being stalked by an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, a stranger or acquaintance, or by a mentally unstable family member like me?  This is truly a loaded question and quite controversial with regards to legal options like restraining orders and ramifications of those options like escalation due to orders of protection.  NCVC warns us that “stalking is unpredictable and dangerous. No two stalking situations are alike. There are no guarantees that what works for one person will work for another, yet you can take steps to increase your safety.”  They also provide some valuable tips for stalking victims as follows:

• If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
• Trust your instincts. Don’t downplay the danger. If you feel you are unsafe, you probably are.
• Take threats seriously. Danger generally is higher when the stalker talks about suicide or murder, or when a victim tries to leave or end the relationship.
• Contact a crisis hotline, victim services agency, or a domestic violence or rape crisis program. They can help you devise a safety plan, give you information about local laws, refer you to other services, and weigh options such as seeking a protection order.
• Develop a safety plan, including things like changing your routine, arranging a place to stay, and having a friend or relative go places with you. Also, decide in advance what to do if the stalker shows up at your home, work, school, or somewhere else. Tell people how they can help you.
• Don’t communicate with the stalker or respond to attempts to contact you.
• Keep evidence of the stalking. When the stalker follows you or contacts you, write down the time, date, and place. Keep e-mails, phone messages, letters, or notes. Photograph anything of yours the stalker damages and any injuries the stalker causes. Ask witnesses to write down what they saw.
• Contact the police. Every state has stalking laws. The stalker may also have broken other laws by doing things like assaulting you or stealing or destroying your property.
• Consider getting a court order that tells the stalker to stay away from you.
• Tell family, friends, roommates, and co-workers about the stalking and seek their support. Tell security staff at your job or school. Ask them to help watch out for your safety.

Now that we have defined stalking, determined routine behavior of stalkers and warning signs, taken a quick quiz on stalking and provided a laundry list of things to do if being stalked; I’d like to touch base on orders of protection or restraining orders.  Many are quick to rush into a restraining order without understanding that it may not do anything other than to escalate the stalking situation to new heights.  Often times, stalkers are aggravated by legal orders and don’t abide due to mental instability or defiance.  Because law enforcement can’t protect everyone at all times, if you obtain a legal order of protection then I would suggest also arming yourself with some basic knowledge of self defense and a weapon of some sort for personal protection.  Restraining orders give the victim a false sense of security.  A stalking or domestic violence victim should be more concerned for their personal safety AFTER obtaining a legal order of protection.

The only person that you can rely on for protection is YOU!  Therefore, arm yourself with basic self defense knowledge and please have a backup plan that consists of some sort of self defense tool even if it is wasp and hornet spray, which is extremely effective and controversial.  Lastly, remember that your “gut-feeling” is a life saving indicator that you’re in serious danger, and to be prepared to take appropriate steps to defend yourself.   It is often right. Learn to embrace this God-given self-defense instinct.  Never ignore it.

To learn more about stalking click here, to learn more about NCVC click here, to get help if you are being stalked click here, to learn more about Shieldher click here or contact Shieldher.  Be safe!

Born This Way is the new HUGE hit by Lady Gaga with a powerful, positive “feel good” message.  Whether you’re straight, bi or gay, we should all love who we are and what we bring to the world!

Gaga “leaked” this song out yesterday, and it’s burning up iTunes!  The video isn’t out as of 2/12/11, but take a listen and get ready to dance around to this energizing hit.

Born This Way

Ever wonder if this is how your date is going?

Check out this Pepsi MAX Super Bowl 2011 ad: